I Don't Park Next To Vans

I remember when I was younger having a fear of people in vans. My mom would never park next to them and told us it was because some scary dude might open the door and kidnap us and drive away really fast. Made sense to me then.

I think that is one of the reasons why I have this habit where I imagine the worst that could happen in a lot of scenarios. Not in all facets of my life, but more around physical safety. Here are some examples:

• I hike a lot. There is one passage on Boulder’s Mt. Sanitas that takes me twice as long as everyone else to get through because I can completely imaging rolling down and breaking multiple bones.
• When lifting weights I imagine that they will slip and fall on my foot or head or something.
• I am convinced that I will die one day by falling down the stairs. I have 3 floors in my house and I work on the 2nd floor of a building and I not only hold the railings, I am slow and cautious every time I go down the stairs.
• I don’t play sports with balls because I think they will break my nose or fingers.
• The huz and I had to knock down a wasp nest last week and my job was to hold the bag underneath. I couldn’t make myself walk up to it so I got fired.
• I don’t look both ways before crossing the street. I look both ways twice and a few times while I’m crossing.

Now in some ways this is a good thing. I’m cautious and rarely get hurt and I don’t put myself in risky situations. But this is also quite neurotic and keeps me from trying new things and testing some limits. Honestly though, I’m okay with that. For the most part.

I’m not okay with it when I know it’s unrealistic and is effecting me in a negative way. A good example of this is driving in the snow. I get such anxiety every time that weather is on its way, multiple people can attest to this. If I still lived in Dallas this would be okay, but I live in Colorado. I have upgraded to a great 4 wheel drive SUV. It only partially helped. Nothing anyone has said and no amount of positive self talk has gotten me past this. My next step is to take a driving class. I’ve found one and intend to sign up. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll have to try something else. But I WILL beat this irrational fear!

The trick for me is going to be determining those fears I can live with as quirks versus those fears that are negatively effecting my life. Then I need to figure out how to address them. I still won’t park next to vans…


…QueenB Says